Live Free.

"They gunna try to bring you down
Hatin's what they do
but you gotta keep a smile
Stay up on your move
Live free, live free, live free, live free,
Homie live free, live free, live free, live free,
They gunna try to tell you no
Shatter all your dreams
But you gotta get up and go
to bigger better things
Live free, live free, live free live free,
Live free, live free, live free live free."

-Mac Miller ;)

This just sums up my mood for today..

I've never been one to actually speak my mind... Not to my peers, my family, my friends, my love..not to anyone.  It's just the type of person I am.  I guess you could say I'm "shy"? But I'm not too sure if that's exactly an excuse for not speaking my mind. Let's see.. the reason I never speak my mind is because of FEAR. It's as simple as that. I mean, isn't that why most people shy away from speaking their mind? Because they are afraid? Yea, there are some pretty blunt people out there but at one point or another we're all afraid to speak our mind in some aspects.

I've been trying to find the source of this fear for myself and I've come to a couple conclusions.  I fear of being overlooked, ignored, rejected, embarrassed... yea, that pretty much sums it all up.  Because of this fear I have developed, I've put myself in a pretty displeasing place in my life.  I had gotten to a point where there was no speaking my mind whatsoever.  I was letting certain people control EVERY SINGLE decision there was to make in my life.  This certainly wasn't because I wanted them to..it was because I was scared.  What could I have possibly been scared of..? Well, I feared the ultimatum I might have had to face if I didn't make the decisions that these people wanted me to make with my life.  I was scared of all the things I would lose if I didn't please these people and take the path they thought was best for me.  But wait a minute..isn't this MY life?  How can another person post an ultimatum towards me for the choices I make in MY life?  What happened to making your own mistakes and learning from them, right?  Why would I want to spend the rest of my life pursuing a path that someone else wants me to do?  Those wants are their dreams, not mine.  Those are their passions and desires, not mine.  I have an endless list of things I want to do throughout the rest of my life.  My passion for certain things are never-ending.  How will I ever explore those passions of mine or complete those items on my 'Life To Do List' if I am pushed to follow someone else's to do list?

Well this is where it changes.  This is where I stop holding back and start pushing for my dreams.  This is where I will stop letting another person control my life, and I will LIVE FREE. This is where I will speak my mind, cross all the boundaries, live my dreams and do what I want to do.  This is where I will no longer care and I will just live my life.  I am ready to start this beautiful, overwhelming experience of discovering myself and growing into the person that GOD wants me to be.  That's the only thing that matters.

“The key to change... is to let go of fear.”

I was certainly a little hesitant when I first started up on this whole blog thing.  I figured mine would be pretty boring and have much of nothing to explore on it.  Because of the fear I had, the thought of speaking my mind on my blog didn't even cross my mind.  Well Dori.. It's a BLOG, that's kind of the whole purpose of it! So here's to a new chapter in my life and to exploring this new outlook I have on life.  Here goes everything!

These past five and a half months have really pushed me to this state of mind.  I have completely, and literally, taken a step back from everything in my life and had the chance to examine every aspect.  I have had the time to really explore the decisions I have made, what I want to do with my life and where I want to go.  This whole experience has brought me to this one decision: I want to start fresh.  I want to start over with a clean slate.  Everything brand new, no strings attached, noone to make decisions for me but myself and noone there to stop me or distract me from following the path that is calling me. So I'm letting go of all the fear I've ever had, not doing what I've always done, and now doing what I've always wanted to do!

"If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always gotten."